"Become interesting" Is it necessary to consolidate a relationship?
- Say you are busy today.
- Do not answer the phone.
- Delay in calling after the first appointment.
- To say: "Oh, I forgot to call you, I am very busy and with many things on my mind."
- Do not show feelings, feel harassed, absorbed, persecuted and I know how many more things ...
- Has this ever happened to you? If it happened to you, you will understand what I mean.
Why become interesting?
1) In the first place one could speak of a little spontaneous, artificial reaction, which can convey a certain fear of showing me as I am.
2) Can this have to do with the fear that the other will dominate me, know weak points and can hurt me?
3) On the other hand, "becoming interesting" shows a certain awareness that we are worth a lot, which may instead lead to a mismatch in this regard, since, why would it be necessary to prove to the other that I am worth?
4) It is known that whatever attitude we take influences the attitude of the other, from which it could be inferred that "If I become interesting", the following things can happen:
a) the other will be increasingly interested in me, trying to get my attention.
b) but, on the other hand we can think about the possibility that the other perceives our attitude and reacts in the same way and therefore stops showing interest, making use of the popular "pride". Therefore we attend a "pull and release" which consists of who reacts first in order to carry out the contact.
c) or that he loses interest because it seems a childishness on his part, because he is not interested in following his "cat and mouse" game.
First of all we see that these types of attitudes are repeated regularly, so we can assume that it is part of human nature (and therefore must have its origin in the evolutionary development of the person).
The underlying issue may have to do with the low value that human beings give to things that do not cost. We do not value what we get effortlessly, we see it on a day-to-day basis when it comes to other types of issues.
We could take this situation to the first moments of the human being's life, his relationship with the mother's breast and with it to food.
If the infant had the breast all day in the mouth, he probably would not appreciate it. This is connected with the situation of lack and search for food in the first moments of life when the infant must cry to breastfeed. Could we think that this attitude can work as a referential scheme (obviously not consciously)?
Lic. Psic. Ivonne D. Blanc