Silence can be the answer to many conflicts. Stop talking to someone is a way that some use to express their anger, their disagreement or their reproaches. A paradoxical behavior that without saying anything, is saying everything. A strategy of manipulation and emotional blackmail that many people use to punish the other. Let's go deeper.
- 1 The use of silence as punishment
- 2 Stop talking to manipulate
- 3 The good use of silence
The use of silence as punishment
Talk to someone after a conflict That seems to have no solution, is usually not pleasant. But if instead of trying to establish a dialogue, silence is chosen, the situation can be even worse. Shutting up after an argument is often accompanied by uncomfortable emotional tension.An unpleasant sensation that can lead to more hatred and resentment.
In some situations, participants may choose silence to lower their anger level. A momentary decision to calm down and resume the conversation with the aim of reaching a midpoint. In these cases, the use of silence is a positive strategy to relieve yourself and give way to a calmer conversation.
However, there are also those who in spite of what happened avoid dialogue or reject any attempt at communication from the other. They do not want to talk and do not even maintain eye contact. They act as if the other person did not exist. This generates a lot of suffering in those who try to solve what happened since in some way they are despised and ignored by the other, that is, none.
In these cases, stop talking to someone is used as a punishment for the other to bend and submit. A childish behavior that does not solve anything, but that does generate a lot of damage and works as a selfish gratification for the one who sets it in motion.
Stop talking to manipulate
Sometimes, danger is not only found in words. As we can see, silence can also be a double-edged sword with a lot of power. A passive-aggressive attitude that implicitly violates the other and it can even generate feelings of guilt.
What at first seems to be a behavior devoid of information, carries with it multiple meanings. And worst of all, nothing is clear. Not receiving an answer from the other generates a sense of uncertainty that is difficult and uncomfortable to bear.
For the person who stops speaking there are clear reasons that justify their behavior, as well as expectations about how everything will end. But perhaps they should be questioned. The safest thing is that the person who has been denied speech does not quite understand what happens. Even your method may not be as effective as you think, since the only thing it generates is distance.
People with emotional resources will know how to handle these types of situations and even set limits If the situation takes too far. But those who lack them can plunge into a spiral of dependence and discomfort, being trapped. These will offer all kinds of things to satisfy the other in order to end.
The good use of silence
On the other hand, There are also times when silence can be a good option. Especially in those in which anger surpasses us and the only thing we consider is to accuse, criticize or hurt the other. In this type of situation, nothing better than stop talking as a precaution. Although if we warn you that we need some time, it will be much better.
Shutting up to regain calm will relieve our tension and in this way, we will be able to talk with each other more calmly. It is true that sometimes we will have to face the challenge of dialogue, even being angry. But the solution is not silence, but to try to understand what happened, taking into account both the perspective of the other and ours.
Conversing in disagreement is not easy, but not impossible. The important is intend to understand and not to judge, to reach an agreement and not to be right.
Nonviolent or empathic communication, developed by Marshall Rosenberg, can be a good alternative. Learn to speak from the heart, taking care of our language. This type of communication implies going beyond our needs, taking into account the other, listening to him. A good way to relate that builds bridges instead of barriers.